reason #141 why dora should go to england

Don’t ask what reasons #1-140 are, because they all involve Jamie Bamber.  And occasionally, faster than light travel.

Now that we have that over with, onto the good stuff.

Why should Dora go to England? Well, the reason is simple.  To improve the future casting of British movies.

This revelation came to me shortly after 5:00 am Arizona time, July 17, 2009.  This was preceeded by the baking of snickerdoodle cookies, and the watching of Twilight.  I do not regret either of those actions, except I might have eaten one too many snickerdoodles.  Clearly, I do not possess the same level of honorable self-restraint when it comes to my food as Edward Cullen does.  Then again, I also have never made out with a T-bone steak.  You decide who the better person is.

Anyway, during the 54 minute wait that MegaVideo made me sit through (yes, I watched it on MegaVideo, because I refuse to pay good money to legally obtain this movie), I decided to revisit some good times and watch Harry Potter 4.  After the mandatory giggling at David Tennant being creepy and playing Barty Crouch Jr., I decided to watch all the Cedric scenes.  I then proceeded to tell Becky that I loved Robert Pattinson before Twilight, and that Cedric was a thousand times better than Edward, and tried to avoid the fact that Edward probably would have owned everyone’s sorry magical butt in the Triwizard Tournament.  Unimportant.

The point is, I started thinking about how Cedric might have been my favorite character had he not DIED AN UNTIMELY DEATH, but since he did, one Remus Lupin (who also DIED AN UNTIMELY DEATH – NO, I’M STILL NOT OVER IT) stepped up to claim the title.  And then I thought to myself, “My GOD was the casting of Lupin atrocious.”  And then I proceeded to think, “My GOD so was the casting of Sirius!”

And then it came to me.  It should have been Hugh Grant as Sirius, and Colin Firth as Lupin.  Here’s why.

Let’s save the best for last and start with Sirius.  According to the reputable source of Harry Potter Wiki, Sirius Black is described to be ”handsome and full of laughter.”  I think that describes Hugh Grant perfectly.  Additionally Sirius is a playa and a pympmasta.  Also Hugh Grant.  He’s the carefree one, who never marries.  Hugh Grant often plays such roles.  And last, but certainly not least, he dies via curtain, and honestly, if there was anyway for Hugh Grant to go, it would be a curtain.

Sirius Black, as cast. No offense, but I don't think he was ever handsome and full of laughter.

Add some crazy hair, and you could most definitely pass him off as having spent some quality time with dementors.

Moving on to Lupin.  Again, let’s turn to Harry Potter Wiki.  Lupin is described as “intelligent, calm, tolerant, gentle, and good-natured.”  I know from personal experience that Colin Firth embodies all of these things.  He is also the “mature one in the group, because unlike his friends he never partook in bullying and even became a Prefect in his fifth year.” How about that!  Colin Firth played a lawyer in Bridget Jones’ Diary, which, like, honestly guys, is basically the same thing as a Prefect, okay?  Colin Firth is also great at being sullen and broody, and if you were a werewolf, wouldn’t you be, too?  Finally, I think we all agree it would do Mr. Firth some good to play a character whose last name wasn’t Darcy.

Remus Lupin, as cast. Why would take this...

...when you can have this? Okay, so he's smiling a bit too much in this picture. Whatever. Clearly it wouldn't have been Lupin's time of month.

That being said, why would Hugh Grant and Colin Firth collectively be fantastic casting choices?  Well firstly, they’re always in the same movies together, playing similarly contrasting roles as Sirius and Lupin.  Secondly, Alan Rickman is Snape, and the three could have been fantastic working off of each other.  And last but not least, at the end of book three, Lupin and Sirius have a fight in which Lupin kicks Sirus’ ass, and come on, we all know that a Colin Firth – Hugh Grant fight is essential and necessary in every movie they are in together.

So, Harry Potter casting crew, what exactly do you have to say for yourselves?  Nothing.  The answer is nothing.  There is no excuse.  But I will forgive you.  Because no matter what you say, when I go home and reread all the books before school starts up, I will forever have in my mind the right image of Lupin and Sirius.

(Also, like seriously, haven’t you always wanted to see Colin Firth turn into a werewolf?  I mean, COME ON!)